What Are You Thinking, Julie Cooper?

I know the title isn't a song name right now but I am going to make it one. Last night while Britnee and I were watching the O.C. she said this and I think it would be an excellent song title.

I haven't blogged in awhile and I apologize to anyone who reads this (namely, Kyle). According to my brother we are going on vacation to Florida at some point. I would enjoy this greatly as I haven't had a real vacation in so long! I absolutely adore Disney World so Florida would be okey dokey with me. I think if we do go to Florida I will invest in some basketball shorts because it will be hot as fuck and I hate shorts but at least with basketball shorts it feels like nothing. My boss lets people go on vacation, too. You don't get paid or anything but there is nothing she can do if you are going on vacation she has to just let you go. Those were more or less the words a co-worker of mine told me when I pressed the issue. I'm just so excited for that so I hope my brother isn't lying. I asked him again yesterday and he said that he was sure the parentals were talking about it.

So I have two goats now thanks to Kyle. I named one Chippy from Tim and Eric and Jared named the other Jesus (full name Jesus H. Christ). They are doing pretty well. Jesus is kind of skiddish with people but Chippy seems like he will be a people-person...err goat. In a few days we're going to block off the gates so they can't get out and put them out in the pasture right by the barn we have them in. I don't really know why I'm talking about this...it's not really that exciting. It is to me but probably not anyone else.

We have a show Thursday. I'm pretty excited as I like the venue. Sure, it may just be some dude's basement and we can't really hear ourselves very well but I love the fact that it always seems packed because it's so tiny. I also love that it's just in Frostburg so it doesn't require a long trip. Local shows are just so much easier.

I think once Britnee goes home and I won't have anything to do during the day after I work (or before if I work until close) I am going to start playing basketball regularly. I love to play basketball so much. It relaxes me and gives me time to think. There is a basketball court in Patterson's Creek that I go to and I bought a regulation basketball the other day and have played with it. I feel that if I start playing regularly it will help my bad foot and also I will be healthier presumably.

Another new thing that I'm going to do is I am going to get over to the vo-tech school in Keyser sometime this week (most likely not today) and see about taking classes to be a vet tech. My mom told me that she knows someone who can help me with that, as well if I have any questions or anything. It was really between that or something with cars because there are always job oppurtunities for vet technitians and also mechanics. Everybody says that I would like being a vet tech better. They may be right. I still think mechanics get way more money. I'm actually excited to be going to school again. I'm going to have homework! I guess most of my friends don't really understand why this excites me but after over 4 years of not having that I miss it!

I don't really have anything else to say. I have work today from 4 until close which will have me getting out of there at about 9:30. I really hope I don't have to vacuum tonight. I hate vacuuming. I need to wash my work clothes, too. Goodbye.

Asshole

As many of you know I am probably one of the world's biggest dicks. I am a douche about almost everything and I really don't know how to turn that off. Sometimes this bothers me a lot. I feel sometimes that I legitimately hurt people's feelings and that is terrible but I can't help the way I am so stop telling me how to live my life! See? There I go again!

Maybe it is society that has made me this way. I do watch some pretty douchey things like Scrubs and Sarah Silverman Program and those are only the things that start with the letter "S"! No, but seriously I'm calling myself out on this right now and if anybody ever feels that I am being too much of a dick and that I'm hurting them in any way I want you to let me know. I want to know how to fix this or at least to be able to turn it off.

I wish my sense of humor wasn't so jerk-ish. Anytime I see something my first instinct is to just make a joke about it. My friend just made me realize why I can't "turn it off" and it's because it's so goddamn fun! Why is it so much fun to be a jerk face all the time?

Let me just say that I fucking love Robot Chicken. I know that is completely random but I love the fact that it really caters to my attention span. They are doing a Billy Joel joke right now...this is amazing. Who makes a Billy Joel joke? Not many. Goodbye.

Why

If people haven't noticed I've been using nothing but song titles for blog titles. "Finally" was that song from the 90's..the dance hit. "Grandma Bathes In The Dark" was a song my cousin and I wrote. "Sorry About That" is a song by Alkaline Trio. "Why" is a song by Annie Lennox. Just thought I'd point that out because I don't know if people would catch on to that.

I want to know why people feel compelled to sing in the shower? We're all guilty, yes, even I partake in such activities. The question is, as Annie Lennox once asked us on that fateful day in the 90's, "Why"? Right now my friend is singing in the shower. I believe she is singing Regina Spektor, no, I KNOW she's singing Regina Spektor. The song that's like "She had eaten her dog and she had come back for more". I forget the actual song title but that's the one she is singing. I usually sing Ray Charles in the shower. My favorite Ray Charles song to sing in the shower is "You Don't Know Me" just incase you were wondering. The only reason I can think of for singing in the shower is because if you didn't it would be really boring? I don't really know but I know that the sound carries. Everyone in the house can hear it...at least everyone in my house could hear it because my house isn't that huge.

The movie "Aliens in the Attic" looks so dumb..almost as dumb as "G-Force". Why do people make movies with CGI talking animals or creatures or whatever and real people? Shit is tacky! The only time I can think of where that was ever successful was "Space Jam" and that movie was epic! I don't even care what any of you say! Michael Jordan + Looney Tunes + basketball + that guy from Seinfeld + Bill Murray = awesomeness! That is the only mathmatical equation that I live by. That is my word. I'm hungry so I'm gonna go make food. Goodbye.

Sorry About That

I sincerely apologize for anybody who read my last blog. I don't want to say I regret doing it because it did help but I do kind of regret blogging about it for the world to see. That being said, I don't think I'll take it down mostly because I'm not sure how to but also because I think it can be used as a reference for me when I feel that way. So, yeah, fuck it. I'm genuinely thinking about seeking help for that so don't worry about me (if you were).

I saw Harry Potter last night with Kyle, Timmy, and Kierston. It was amazing! I had completely forgot what happened in the book until I started watching the movie and then I remembered a good bit of it. I really couldn't tell you what they left out, though, because I really don't remember a lot of the book. I need to read the seventh book and then go back and re-read all of them. I haven't read the last book yet because I don't want it to be over. When they make all of the Harry Potter movies available to purchase together I will buy it and then it won't ever have to end.

Let me just say I am sick of everybody talking shit on Asher Roth! Yeah, okay, he's white and yeah, okay, his single is about partying in college but whatever! People need to realize that "I Love College" is a well-written, albeit, shallow song that is about partying. People party in college...it happens. Get over it! If you listen to the rest of his album he is a pretty good lyricist and more importantly he is not trying to be something he isn't like a lot of white rappers (Paul Wall).

I think he shows a lot of potential and he'll only get better as he goes. His mixtape he did with DJ Cannon is amazing. I think the stuff in that is probably even better than what is on his album. I will say this, though: his album "Asleep in the Bread Isle" is probably the shortest hip-hop album I've ever heard and there isn't a single skit. I don't know how I feel about that. Normally I'm not a huge fan of really long albums but rap albums should have like 18-22 tracks on it and at least 5 of those should be skits! Anyway, I'm not sure what the point is that I'm trying to make here.

I need to go. I have to drop something off to Kyle and also I need to go to the police dept. to get a background check done on me for work. I have to go to work at 5. I really need to get my shit in gear. Goodbye.

Just Terrible!

I feel awful right now. I hate when I get this way. I could be having the greatest day of my life and then all of the sudden this mood just hits me. I don't really know what I'm feeling. I guess in a word: depressed. I actually really hate using that word. I feel like people use it without thinking about what it really means so really I guess a better word for the way I feel is "down". Kyle told me to blog about it and it will help so I guess for the 20 minutes I have before I have to sleep this is what I'll be doing.

Maybe I don't want to be doing this. I'm not good at sharing these things you humans call "feelings". Sometimes I feel like I'm a robot and I'm sure that everyone else probably thinks this, too. I don't really show much emotion. I think, subconsciously, I think that if I do it is a sign of weakness and reveals too much about myself. Sometimes I feel that I'm actually too complex for me to even try to figure out. I know that probably everyone is as complex, though, I'm really nothing special.

I hate the way that my moods are always changing. It gets on my nerves and I get so mad at myself. I wish I could control them better. I don't think most people realize when I'm feeling down or anxiety or anything, really. I'm a very good actor and can cover it up pretty well by saying things like "Oh, I'm just really tired" or by acting like a complete retard as always except I'll be completely dead behind the eyes.

You see, the thing is, when I feel this way I need constant reassurance that I'm not a waste of space and that people actually care about me. The problem with that is I never let anybody know that I'm feeling this way so how are they to know I need this extra care? I think I may need a therapist but I'm too scared that if I get one they will tell me there is something wrong with me. If something IS really wrong with me I don't know if I would rather go on undiagnosed and still feel the least bit of normalcy in my life or have them diagnose it and be on medication for the rest of my life and have everyone know I'm crazy.

I wish I could tell you what sets these moods off or what it is that I'm upset about but I really don't know. There doesn't really seem to be anything in particular I just get massive feelings of self-doubt and just the feeling that I'm not worth even a second glance. I don't know...I should go to bed and stop whining to a computer screen about it. What good is that going to do? Although, I have to admit it feels a little better to kind of get this off of my chest. Goodbye.

I Hate Bug Bites

It was my first day at work today from 10 am to 3 pm. All went pretty well. I got there and I walked around trying to figure out where everything is and just get a good handle on the store. After that I started dusting things off...you know what? I don't feel like going into so much detail about this because it is becoming tedious. Bottom line is I sold lots of shoes today and my boss said I did well.

I got my clothes for work last night. I have a temporary blue polo shirt until my button up shirt that they ordered for me comes in. I have to wear khaki pants and I really hate khaki pants. They make me feel like a retard...moreso than usual. I have to go up to wal-mart later to get some penny loafers to wear. Anyway, this stuff is boring and I apologize.

I'm watching some show on vh1 right now and I have no idea what it's called. Oh..apparantly it is called "Daisy of Love" and it's just like any of their other shows like "Tila Tequela" or "Flavor of Love" or "I Love New York" and so on and so forth. This bitch on the show is really nasty. She obviously has fake lips and fake tits. I don't really know why anybody would be competing for her affection. I don't understand shows like this. Why can't people just date on their own time and stop filling up my television with these pointless shows?! Dating is nothing like these shows. You don't live in your love interests house with a bunch of other people who are dating them as well. There is no elimination round (well...at least not where people get chains or clocks).

Somehow this stuff is vaguely entertaining enough for people to keep watching. I don't really think Reality T.V. is necessary although I do love "Run's House" because it's hilarious. I love how in Reality T.V. shows, especially dating ones, have really bad actors and every other word out of their mouth is "bleep!". I can't take this shit anymore. Whatever, I have to go get penny loafers. Goodbye.

Grandma Bathes in the Dark

Let me just take this time out to say I fucking LOVE peach tea! It's so amazing and...peachy! It reminds me of my childhood when I would stay with my Grandma and she would have peach Snapple. She would get so pissed whenever my cousin and I would take her snapple. I remember one instance when she was bathing and my cousin and I really wanted one of her green snapples. It went something a little like this:

Me: "Hey, Grandma, can I have one of these green..."
Grandma: "NO!"

...yep..good times.

I remember that day well. She was bathing with the door open but with the lights off...my Grandma, that is. I asked her why she was bathing in the dark. It went something a litle like this:

Me: "Grandma, why are you bathing in the dark?"
Grandma: "So I can't see the dirt!"

My cousin and I then wrote a song about it called "Grandma Bathes in the Dark" and it had something about a brown bag in the sink...I don't remember what that one was all about. I don't know. Speaking of grandmas I have to go see mine now. Goodbye.

Finally!

I've finally gotten this blog thing to work. I've never really blogged before so I'm not sure what to say. I've also gotten a twitter today although I don't see the purpose in it. I'm just mainly using twitter to be a dick and make fun of everyone else on twitter in a very dry, sarcastic way as always. Fuck punctuation!.!>@#$

I don't really know what to say on here at all. I think I'm going to my father's as soon as my friend, Britnee, gets ready. There is supposedly going to be lots of food at Dad's house and I'm kind of hungry. I ate a sandwich at about 9:30 am today and it is now 1:50 pm so I'm due for another meal.

I recently quit my job at ACS and now I have a job in the mall at the Shoe Dept. and my first official day will be Tuesday 10 am to 3 pm. 5 hour days sound so much better than 10 hour days. I have to buy a blue button up shirt and some nice shoes for this job. I should also buy some more khaki pants as I only have one pair and that is all they will allow you to wear. I really hate khakis. I always feel like such a big dork whenever I wear them.

Last night I finally got to listen to the Alkaline Trio/Hot Water Music split album that I bought and it's pretty awesome. I think one of the highlights would have to be HWM covering "Bleeder". I really enjoy their version of the song. Of course I also love that I now posses the song "Queen of Pain". I always forget how much I love HWM until I listen to them and realize that Chuck Reagan does have quite the influence over my vocal stylings and even song writing at times.

I guess I don't really have much else to say today. This is kind of cool, though. It's kind of like keeping a journal which I used to do when I was younger. When I read what I had written back then it scares me a little. I think I had the potential to be a serial killer, but then again, I guess everyone has the potential. Human life is so fragile. I think about this all the time. I could kill anybody that I want. I have that ability. Everyone has that ability. When I think about it it makes me very paranoid. Like how do I know my best friend isn't going to wake me up with a hatchet? I guess I don't, I just have to trust them. That is sometimes terrifying to think about. I'm going to stop thinking about it now. Goodbye.